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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29224569">The One Real Thing</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/below_the_starry_clusters_bright/pseuds/below_the_starry_clusters_bright'>below_the_starry_clusters_bright</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Character in a coma, Eventual happy ever after, F/M, Gen, Getting Back Together, Modern AU, No Major Character Death, coma ghost Ben, i listened almost exclusively to all too well by taylor swift while writing this, just to clarify what kind of fic this will be, mentions of a car accident</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:07:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,027</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29224569</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/below_the_starry_clusters_bright/pseuds/below_the_starry_clusters_bright</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“You have some unsolved matters that are tethering you to this realm. If you die now, the issues will still have their hooks in your soul, and you’ll be stuck here forever.”</p>
<p>Ben thought over his last few days. </p>
<p>“I mean, I have some paperwork I haven’t done yet, but it doesn’t have to be in until Tuesday…”</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>A comatose Ben is given the chance to put his existential affairs in order in case he passes away. The universe is convinced that his unfinished business centers around Rey, the woman he hasn't been in a relationship with for seventeen months (...and eight days).</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello, welcome to a new fic! This is mostly written and will be updated on Fridays. Massive thanks to <a href="https://twitter.com/yesdnilindsey">@yesdnilindsey</a> for the mood board, please go and heap praise!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>                                                   </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Ben dreamed he was dead.</p>
<p>He’d closed his eyes and then opened them in this new reality. He hadn’t had any say in the matter. There had been no bright light to avoid or embrace. No halos or pitchforks in sight. No long-dead relatives, opening their arms to welcome him home. No pets, either, although that might have been for the best. He hadn’t been allowed anything more time-consuming than a goldfish growing up, and even those had died on him with alarming regularity. He really didn’t need to be ushered into the afterlife by a goldfish with a grudge.</p>
<p>The fact that his afterlife looked like his old regular pub probably should have embarrassed him. He wasn’t one for beaches or mountains, but his idea of paradise shouldn’t have been paying over the odds for drinks. He understood the choice of venue, though, just as he had recognised the pub at once.</p>
<p>How could he not? He’d spent too many nights to count sat in that corner, sipping the obscure brand of beer he’d never been able to find anywhere else. <em>She’d </em>always sat opposite him, mischievous smile lighting up her face as she ran a foot up the inside of his leg. Although all the tables in the pub were now empty, Ben’s memory slotted her in like she belonged. She’d have the cheapest glass of wine in front of her because she couldn’t afford anything else, no matter how many times he’d offered to pay. Her phone would light up every couple of minutes with a message from her friends – his friends, once. Their friends. She never checked her phone when they were together, though. Her eyes were always intent on his. She hung onto his every word. He’d felt like the most important person in the world whenever he was with her.</p>
<p>And she’d always teased him, hadn’t she? More than once he’d drank far too much, ordering more and more pints because he hadn’t wanted their night to end. He’d staggered to his feet as the bell rang for last orders, drawing a laugh from her.</p>
<p><em>Big man like you, </em>she’d croon, <em>can’t hold your drink.</em></p>
<p>He’d always shut her up with clumsy kisses that led to them stumbling back to her flat, only a few minutes away on foot.</p>
<p>But that had been before. Now, the pub was banished to the back of his mind like a haunted house. He hadn’t stepped foot in this place in a year and a half. Seventeen months, to be precise. Seventeen months and eight days, to be even more specific. Given a calculator and a few minutes, he’d be able to give the exact time down to the minute.</p>
<p>Angry with himself, Ben looked away from the table. He’d never been able to get rid of his sentimentality, no matter how much he’d tried to drown it. He was disgusted to find that he’d carried it with him even here.</p>
<p>“Hello, Ben.”</p>
<p>The voice was both expected and out of the blue. It tugged at his memory, like the voice of a presenter on a television show he’d watched as a child. Soothing and familiar.</p>
<p>He turned to see a young woman standing by the bar. She dressed in a pinstripe suit and held a clipboard in an immaculately manicured hand. Her dark skin gleamed, like she was lit from within. She smiled as their eyes met.</p>
<p>“Who are you?” Ben asked. He’d meant to sound accusatory, but his voice shook. “What is this?”</p>
<p>“I’m here to help you,” the woman said. “Don’t be afraid.”</p>
<p>Ben looked around the pub again. Despite his determination to forget this place even existed, his mind had recreated it perfectly. He’d forgotten about that stupid painting of the cow on the wall. He’d voiced his disdain for it early on in his relationship with Rey. She’d adopted a serious expression and asked “Don’t you find it a-moo-sing?”. Ben had groaned loudly, but looking back, that was the moment he fell in love with her.</p>
<p>He scowled at the painting, which stared back with a blank, slack-jawed expression. Cud threatened to fall from the side of its open mouth. Ben hated it more than he could remember hating anything.</p>
<p>The feeling gave him pause. Did he usually feel things so strongly in dreams? Was it normal to remember every moment he’d spent since arriving in the pub? His dreams usually jumped around from one moment to the next, with nothing but a pair of hazel eyes to link them together.</p>
<p>He tried to remember falling asleep, or anything from the last time he’d been awake. The memories were a haze. Doubt crept in.</p>
<p>“Is this a dream?” he asked the woman.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>Ben believed her. That was strange; trust didn’t come naturally to him. Blind trust, even less so. Still, he’d arrived in the pub with the understanding that he was dead. The dream part had been wrong, but maybe his other instinct had been right.</p>
<p>“Am I dead?”</p>
<p>“No.” The woman looked at the clipboard and pursed her lips. “Well, not yet. Maybe.”</p>
<p>Irritation burned inside Ben’s chest. “Pick an answer.”</p>
<p>“You’re in a coma.” The woman didn’t seem fazed by Ben’s rudeness. “Nasty car accident.”</p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p>The word fell quietly. He was more confused than shocked. He hadn’t driven in months. His car was gathering dust in his building’s parking garage. His apartment was within walking distance to work. He got his food shop delivered. There was a gym in both his work building and his apartment block. On the rare occasion he had somewhere else to be, he’d get the Tube. When had he been in a car?</p>
<p>“The other passengers are fine, by the way,” the woman added in a lightly admonishing tone.</p>
<p>“Oh,” Ben said again. “Right. Good.”</p>
<p>If he wasn’t sure why he’d been in a car, he had absolutely no idea who’d been in the car with him. The last few hours were hazy, but his memories before that were intact. He wasn’t forgetting a best friend or a girlfriend. He couldn’t forget what wasn’t there.</p>
<p>(Maybe that’s why he could never forget Rey, no matter how hard he tried.)</p>
<p>“I’m afraid you’re currently closer to death than you are to life,” the woman said, breaking Ben from his thoughts with her gentle tone. “That’s not to say that you won’t make it, modern medicine being what it is, but you’ve been given the chance to put your affairs in order. Just in case.”</p>
<p>“Maybe I should be at my lawyer’s, then.” Ben hardly heard his own words, faint with shock as they were. “Write a will.”</p>
<p>It was probably a good thing he’d never gotten that dog he’d wanted. He owned his apartment outright, but who would come and clear it out? His mother wouldn’t care that he was dead. He had no friends to speak of. Rahul at the nearest takeaway might wonder where he’d gone, what with all the business he given them over the last few years he’d lived in London, but knowledge of his credit card number and favourite dish didn’t amount to much. His boss would care, though. And Rey might –</p>
<p>No. He’d long stopped allowing himself to hope for Rey.</p>
<p>“This is for less tangible matters.” The woman’s dark eyes locked onto his. “You have some unsolved matters that are tethering you to this realm. If you die now, the issues will still have their hooks in your soul, and you’ll be stuck here forever.”</p>
<p>Ben thought over his last few days.</p>
<p>“I mean, I have some paperwork I haven’t done yet, but it doesn’t have to be in until Tuesday…”</p>
<p>For the first time, there was a crack in the woman’s composure. Ben got the impression she was trying not to roll her eyes at him. Her gaze flickered over his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Maybe this will clear things up,” she said.</p>
<p>The pub door opened and closed with a soft thud. Ben turned, then instantly wished he hadn’t.</p>
<p>Rey stood in the entryway.</p>
<p>A tiny part of Ben, buried beneath months’ worth of anger and resentment and pain, leapt in joy at the sight of her. She had always been beautiful in motion, but it was her rare moments of stillness that he had always appreciated the most. No matter where or when, she looked like a still from an old film. She let whatever she was feeling at the time show in her eyes or the quirk of her lips. Ben admired her beauty in those frozen moments, but the chance to linger over how much life Rey had inside of her was what he had really treasured.</p>
<p>She glanced around the pub. Ben held his breath, but her eyes passed over him. He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed. Either way, he stayed rooted to the spot as Rey strode over to the bar. She seemed real enough that he could reach out and touch her if he wanted to. He could lean in close and count the freckles that dotted her cheeks and the bridge of her nose. He could relearn her.</p>
<p>In his memories, she was always smiling. Always, except for the last time he had seen her – but he purposefully didn’t think of that. Now, though, her features were stern. There was a downturn to her mouth, and a furrow to her brow. Ben almost asked if she had been sick, before he realised the implications of seeing her and no one else.</p>
<p>“I – no,” he said, turning back to the woman with growing panic. “No, you’ve got this wrong. She’s my ex.”</p>
<p>The woman shrugged a shoulder elegantly. “Seems like a prime candidate for unfinished business, if you ask me.”</p>
<p>“I’m not asking you,” Ben snapped.</p>
<p>The woman raised her eyebrows, but Ben had long buried the impulse to be polite and apologise. In his line of work, an apology was an admission of weakness. Weakness was not tolerated. He’d gotten very good at not regretting things.</p>
<p>Even Rey. His memories of her were confined in the same place as the pub. She existed there, and maybe a part of him did, too. He’d locked them both away in a moment in time when they were happy. Happy, and blissfully unaware of what was to come.</p>
<p>He didn’t have anything left to say to her. They’d both made their choices.</p>
<p>The woman’s voice was soft.</p>
<p>“This won’t work unless you open yourself up to it, Ben.”</p>
<p>Ben groaned and raked his hand through his hair. Someone had made a mistake. He still had things left to do in life: get a promotion; buy a bigger apartment; watch that film that had won all those Oscars two (three?) years ago. Rey had made it clear that she didn’t want to be a part of his life anymore, and so none of those plans involved her.</p>
<p>“Is there someone else I can talk to?” he asked. “You know, higher up?”</p>
<p>The woman stared at him for so long that Ben worried he had broken her.</p>
<p>“Are you asking to speak to my manager?” she asked finally.</p>
<p>Ben hedged his bets.</p>
<p>“Do you have one?”</p>
<p>“Oh, yes,” the woman said. “My organisation also has an on-site gym and an employee discount for Starbucks.”</p>
<p>“Really?”</p>
<p>The woman was moments away from smacking him with the clipboard. Ben might feel embarrassed in another, less bizarre situation. He chose his next words carefully.</p>
<p>“Look, I don’t mean to offend you, or suggest that you’re bad at your job. I can’t imagine the number of people who die in a day, or get into comas, or whatever. I’m just saying that there must be some things that slip through the cracks.”</p>
<p>The woman sighed. “This isn’t an automated system, Ben. Not everything runs on Spark.”</p>
<p>Ben frowned at the mention of his office’s work system.</p>
<p>“This is beyond quantification,” the woman continued. “You’re not a number on a page, Ben. I am personalised just for you. You think I have any idea what a Starbucks is?” She scoffed. “I’m speaking in a vernacular you’re comfortable with and in a form you recognize.”</p>
<p>Ben glanced up and down the woman without trying to look like he was leering.</p>
<p>“I don’t recognize your form.”</p>
<p>The woman wriggled different parts of her body and gave an appraising hum.</p>
<p>“Two eyes, one nose, one mouth, ten fingers, ten toes. The usual number of arms and legs in the usual places. Standard human suit.” The woman tilted her head. “I could appear in my incarnate form, if you like, although I should warn you that your eyes will burn out of your head and then you’ll go insane.”</p>
<p>Ben’s eyes – intact in his head, where he very much preferred them to be – widened.</p>
<p>“Uh, no, that’s okay. Standard human suit is fine.”</p>
<p>The woman winked. “Good shout.”</p>
<p>Ben wasn’t going to press. His gaze strayed back to Rey. Hadn’t things always been that way? In a room of thousands, he could find her within seconds. The thought travelled down to his chest and squeezed his heart. He’d taken everything in stride up until now, but seeing Rey felt like rushing into a meeting he hadn’t prepared for. He had no idea what to say. And even if he did, Rey wouldn’t listen to him. She hadn’t listened when it had mattered the most.</p>
<p>Ben looked away, his eyes narrowing into a glare. If Rey was his unfinished business, that just meant that he hadn’t done a good enough job of conveying how much he didn’t need her in his life. He could more than make up for lost time. He could dismiss her, solve his unfinished business, and then…</p>
<p>And then what?</p>
<p>“Will I die?” Ben asked. Fright stirred inside him. “If I figure out what this unfinished business is and, uh, finish it, is that granting my body permission to just give up?”</p>
<p>In the films he didn’t have time to watch anymore, this would have been the part where the woman’s façade cracked apart to reveal a cackling demon. Ben waited, but the only change he saw in the woman was a slow shift into resignation.</p>
<p>“You’ve got such a mind for discovering loopholes.” The words, spoken with a sad smile, weren’t a compliment. “Always alert for a trick.”</p>
<p>A familiar defensiveness roared through Ben’s mind. His job might have been the same one as the villain in a Christmas story, but real life was more nuanced. He was <em>good</em> at what he did. No one, not even Rey, had ever appreciated how hard he worked. Only his boss had. Was it any wonder he’d accepted the job?</p>
<p>“You have the chance to let go of the things holding you back,” the woman said, stepping closer. “You can’t rely on tricks or guarantees. You might die before you say a single word to her.”</p>
<p>Ben allowed himself a short look at Rey as he considered that.</p>
<p>“She’ll be able to hear me?”</p>
<p>“And see you, yes,” the woman confirmed. “But only she will be able to, for the moment.”</p>
<p>“So I’ll be haunting her.”</p>
<p>There was something bitterly satisfying in that. She’d been haunting him for months, and turnabout was fair play.</p>
<p>The woman’s gaze settled on Rey.</p>
<p>“Sometimes, letting go of one thing means accepting another.”</p>
<p>Before Ben could ask what she meant, sounds of life trickled in around them. Low murmurs of conversation filled the pub. People came into view like they were fading in reverse, sitting at the bar and clustered around tables. They clinked their glasses and laughed and seemed so unaware that everything could be snatched from them in an instant.</p>
<p>Ben turned to the woman. He wasn’t ready to face Rey, but nothing about this situation was in his control. He had a million questions, but for some reason the one that fought its way to the front was:</p>
<p>“Are you God?”</p>
<p>The woman shrugged. “If you like.”</p>
<p>Ben wasn’t sure if he liked. He didn’t have the time or the patience to start going to church. He was content in the knowledge that if there was one person stubborn enough to deny the existence of God even after meeting her face-to-face, it was him.</p>
<p>And if there were two people stubborn enough, his counterpart was currently ordering a drink.</p>
<p>“She still gets the same thing,” he noted.</p>
<p>The woman had already gone. That was probably for the best. Ben had meant to sneer the observation, but it had come out oddly wistful.</p>
<p>Now that he was alone, nerves churned in his stomach. What was he supposed to say? <em>Hey, I’m sort of dead, and maybe-God told me that you’re the only one who can help me – by the way, did I leave my phone charger at your place?</em></p>
<p>Christ. This was why he usually went out of his way to not speak to people.</p>
<p>Could he just leave the pub, unfinished business be damned? Rey hadn’t seen him yet, and probably wouldn’t if he stayed behind the gaggle of chatting co-workers that had materialized before him.</p>
<p>Ben set his jaw. He was many, many things, but he wasn’t a coward.</p>
<p>Drink in hand, Rey made her way to a small group of tables by the far wall. Ben watched her closely, dreading something he couldn’t put a name to, and felt a surge of relief that she didn’t sit at their old table. She set her drink down and retrieved her phone from her jacket pocket. He recognised the jacket. She had always insisted it was warm enough to brave the autumn months, but they both knew that it was a summer jacket whose exorbitant price she was determined to justify.</p>
<p>Exorbitant for her, anyway. Ben could have bought ten in a single, disinterested swoop if he’d wanted.</p>
<p>There were small groups of people milling around, partly blocking his view of her. Ben hung back. He would vet Rey with the same detachment with which he treated his clients, and then he would approach her once he was completely confident that he had the upper hand.</p>
<p>Of course, since Ben had never been able to do anything around Rey without somehow fucking it up, his clinical scan quickly gave way to worry.</p>
<p>She’d lost weight. Her collarbones were sharp against the neckline of her dress, and there was a gauntness to her cheeks that hadn’t been there before. She’d never been a good cook, though, had she? She’d never known anything beyond cheap and easy. Her mouth had dropped open the first time he’d made her a dish with rosemary in it. He’d bought her a spice rack that Christmas, and endured some truly terrible combinations afterwards.</p>
<p>Ben noticed, too late, that the groups of people had shifted just enough to give him an uninterrupted view of Rey.</p>
<p>And her of him.</p>
<p>“<em>Ben?</em>”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for your lovely comments, kudos, and bookmarks! Hope you enjoy this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>Ben?</em>”</p>
<p>Rey’s screech carried across the room. Probably down the street, too, given how many patrons shot her a look of alarm. They followed her horrified stare to where Ben stood. More than one seemed to lock eyes with him, but none of their expressions changed. They gave Rey another strange look, and then turned back to their friends, eyebrows raised and voices low.</p>
<p>Ben was electrified. The woman had been right. Only Rey could see him.</p>
<p>He had all the power.</p>
<p>He strode over to her table with the same bulldozing confidence he entered courtrooms. Rey watched him, ill-at-ease. The Ben Solo she had known walked with an ever-present hunch, always apologising for his height. He only walked quickly to get out of social situations. Otherwise, he had preferred life at a meandering pace.</p>
<p><em>Pathetic.</em> The word stabbed through Ben’s mind. He had come so close to burying his past self. This was just one more step he had to take to destroy the man he had been.</p>
<p>He stood before Rey but didn’t sit down. She stared up at him, hazel eyes wide. Her gaze drifted lower before snapping back up to his. Ben thanked God he was wearing a suit. Rey had always found him irresistible in them, no matter how many formal events they attended.</p>
<p>Not that he wanted her to find him attractive. He wanted to not care that she found him attractive. He wanted to be cool and aloof.</p>
<p>Fuck, how long had he just been standing there in silence? He cleared his throat.</p>
<p>“Hello, Rey.”</p>
<p>She didn’t even blink. Ben’s heart pounded in his chest. For one wild moment, he wanted to burst into tears. But he’d learned to stay calm under pressure, and he was certain his expression was smooth as he waited for her to speak.</p>
<p>Rey gawked at him for a moment longer before shaking her head.</p>
<p>“You can’t be here.” Panic flooded her voice. “I’m meeting someone. You can’t be here.”</p>
<p>Ben was affronted.</p>
<p>“Well, God knows I wouldn’t want to interrupt your date.”</p>
<p><em>Say it isn’t a date</em>. The hope flashed through his mind before he could stop it. <em>Say you’re just meeting a friend.</em></p>
<p>Rey’s expression shuttered. It was disquieting to see, like someone draping a sheet over a masterpiece.</p>
<p>“You can’t be here,” she repeated, her tone as flat as her expression. “We agreed, The Bay Rose was mine.”</p>
<p>“I don’t remember signing a custody agreement.”</p>
<p>Rey grabbed her drink and brought it to her mouth with such force that drops of beer splattered the table. She took three long slugs and slammed the glass back down.</p>
<p>“You’re still an arsehole,” she muttered.</p>
<p>Ben shrugged. “I’d say not much has changed, but that’s not true.”</p>
<p>He hated to admit it, and would punch anyone who suggested it, but he’d always had a flair for the dramatic. He raised himself up to his full, impressive height, and widened his arms so that Rey could take in every inch of him.</p>
<p>“I’m in a coma,” he announced.</p>
<p>Rey gave him a blank look. “Like…morally?”</p>
<p>“What?” Ben scowled at her. “No. Like an actual coma.”</p>
<p>Rey closed her eyes and massaged her temples. When she looked back up at him, it was with the look of someone who was barely holding their temper in check.</p>
<p>“I don’t have time for this, Ben,” she said, her tone firm. “I don’t know if someone put you up to this, or if you and your shiny new friends take too many drugs, but you need to leave.”</p>
<p>Ben tried not to let his frustration show. Logically, he understood why she didn’t believe him. What he told her was ridiculous, and she didn’t even know the half of it yet. But there had been a time he could have told her the sun shone blue, and she would have happily accepted it without looking at the sky. Where had that trust gone?</p>
<p>“I’m serious, Rey,” he said, letting his bravado melt away. She had always seen through it, anyway. “I got hit by a car and I’m in a coma. You’re the only one who can see me because I’ve got some things I need to sort through, apparently.”</p>
<p>Maybe his words were too vague or his attitude too flippant, but something about his last few words caused Rey’s eyes to harden. She stood up, close enough to touch, and spat, “I don’t know if I’ve gotten better at spotting your mind games, or if they’re just shit now, but either way –”</p>
<p>“It’s not a game,” Ben interrupted. “And when did I ever play games with you?”</p>
<p>“Come off it,” she scoffed.</p>
<p>Her head barely came up to Ben’s chin, but her indignation puffed her up like a hissing cat. Ben lost his words. The last time they’d been this close had been the last time he’d kissed her. He’d poured everything he had into that kiss – all of his desperation and fear and anger – and she had still walked away.</p>
<p>Her eyes were the same as they had been that night seventeen months ago. Ben wondered if he was already in the afterlife, and his existence had become one hellish loop of Rey’s angry, accusatory glare.</p>
<p>“Fine,” he said stonily. “Watch.”</p>
<p>Keeping his eyes on hers, Ben backed away from the table. He ignored his instinct to watch where he was going; the whole point was that he’d move through something he usually would have knocked into.</p>
<p>Ben felt nothing when he passed through a woman chatting with her friends. The woman shivered slightly and glanced towards the door, as though wondering if she’d caught a breeze, but didn’t seem surprised to see it closed. She returned to her conversation, untroubled.</p>
<p>Rey, on the other hand.</p>
<p>Rey was very troubled.</p>
<p>Her mouth gaped almost as wide as her eyes. Ben made his way back over to her before she could speak. He left a trail of shivering people in his wake. As satisfying as it might be to watch Rey make a fool of herself by screaming at an empty space, he’d much rather haunt her in a pub than in a mental ward.</p>
<p>“How did you do that?” she demanded, the moment he was back by her side. “I <em>saw</em> you walk through those people! Twice!”</p>
<p>More concerned looks were thrown her way. Ben gritted his teeth. She was one outburst away from being asked to leave.</p>
<p>“At least pretend you’re talking on the phone,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey glowered at him, but took her phone from her bag and lifted it to her ear. Her hands shook.</p>
<p>“What the fuck, Ben?”</p>
<p>She fixed her eyes on the door, but kept stealing glances back at him. Ben didn’t bother trying to look away. It had been so long since he’d seen her that he couldn’t stop counting all the little changes about her. He drank her in while she pretended not to notice him.</p>
<p>“I was in a car accident.” He didn’t have to fake his calm tone. Maybe he was in shock over what had happened to him, or maybe he just didn’t care. “I’m in a coma, I met someone who might have been God, and she told me that I had some unfinished business to take care of.”</p>
<p>Ben would be generous and give her a moment. He was unfazed, but that was a lot to take in for a reasonable person.</p>
<p>“Maybe your unfinished business is an apology,” Rey said, blowing all of his goodwill to shreds with a snide raise of her eyebrow. “Maybe this is your chance to ease all that guilt you’ve been carrying around since you decided to go and work for Snoke.”</p>
<p>“Maybe it’s the other way around,” Ben snapped back, “and <em>you</em> need to apologize to <em>me</em>.”</p>
<p>“Why on <em>Earth</em> – look, I’m not doing this here.”</p>
<p>She had a better handle on her temper these days, Ben would give her that. Her look of forced patience – lips pressed tightly together, eyes lit with annoyance she wouldn’t voice – rose an ugly instinct within him. Why should she pretend like none of this bothered her? He wanted to prod and poke at her until she screamed in his face.</p>
<p>“First things first, I’m going to check I’m not having some kind of mental break,” Rey said in a quiet voice. She glanced at Ben. “Which hospital are you in?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.” At her low sound of frustration, Ben felt his own temper rising. “What part of ‘I’m in a coma’ was unclear?”</p>
<p>“Maybe you were conscious for a while beforehand, I don’t know!” She threw him a scathing look. “You probably opened your mouth and the doctors immediately decided to sedate you.”</p>
<p>“Death jokes to a dying man,” Ben noted. “Charming. Does everyone at my mother’s charity know you talk to people this way?”</p>
<p>“Not <em>people</em>,” Rey said, smiling sweetly. “Just you.”</p>
<p>She lowered her phone and typed something. Her hand stilled as she waited for the search page to load. Her tone became carefully casual.</p>
<p>“<em>Are</em> you dying, Ben?”</p>
<p>For a moment, Ben wanted to say <em>Yes</em>, if only to see Rey grapple with the idea of losing him. Would she cry? Would she take the blame for their breakup, as well as all the ugliness that came before and after it? He’d be able to get back into his body a lot faster if his unfinished business just finished itself.</p>
<p>But lying seemed unreasonable when he was so close to losing everything.</p>
<p>Besides, he could never shake that buried determination, born from years of watching his father treat telling the truth like a funny little quirk other people had, that he would never lie to his partner. Even if his partner hadn’t been his partner in well over a year.</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” he admitted.</p>
<p>Rey only nodded briskly. Ben waited for some sign of distress, and felt hollow when she showed nothing. Surely he deserved some kind of reaction? They’d been together for almost three years.</p>
<p>“St. James is the nearest hospital to your work,” Rey informed him, scanning the results on her phone. “Do you go home the same way every night? You might be at a hospital closer to home. I remember there was that big one near your flat, what was it called?”</p>
<p>Ben didn’t need to ask how she knew where he worked. Everyone knew Snoke’s headquarters from the semi-regular protests that pop up outside. Most of the time they barely made the news, but every so often some idiot got brave and landed themselves in hospital and on the front page. Sometimes not even in that order.</p>
<p>“I don’t live on Fox Street anymore,” he said, harsher than was necessary. It bothered him that Rey still thought that she knew him.</p>
<p>An expression crossed Rey’s face, faster than he could identify it.</p>
<p>“Right,” she said. “Of course not.”</p>
<p>Before Ben could ask what that was supposed to mean, Rey stood up and swung her bag over her shoulder. Her drink remained on the table, unfinished.</p>
<p>“St. James’ first,” she said decisively.</p>
<p>She slipped through the small crowds on the pub floor. Ben trailed behind her. He automatically shifted this way and that to try and avoid bumping into anyone. He’d already half-mumbled an apology for banging shoulders with someone when he realised there had been no impact. Of course. Ghosts, or whatever the hell he was, didn’t have mass. He’d just made that exact same point to Rey not five minutes ago. God, this was going to be annoying.</p>
<p>Despite never having been more in need of a drink in his life, Ben followed Rey out of the pub and into the night air. The outside world didn’t look any different than usual. There were no supernatural shimmers, no demons prowling the streets. Only Ben was different, and he didn’t count for much.</p>
<p>Rey buttoned her jacket up as they walked in silence to the closest Tube stop. She tucked her arms closer to her body and gave a small sigh that Ben wouldn’t have known about had it not misted in front of her. It was the closest she’d come to admitting she was cold. Ben, unaffected by the chill, pressed his lips together in annoyance. Why was she not taking better care of herself?</p>
<p>He shook the question off. It was none of his business. Maybe she hadn’t planned on being outside for long. The pub was in walking distance of her flat, after all. Ben shot her a sidelong glance. He didn’t remind her that she had been at The Bay Rose to meet someone. Better to keep his mouth shut than to risk asking all the questions that bubbled inside him.</p>
<p>
  <em>Is it a date? A first date, or a tenth? Have you slept with him? Do you love him?</em>
</p>
<p>Ben’s self-preservation instinct finally roused its head. He didn’t want to know the answer to any of those questions. Until he knew for certain that Rey was his unfinished business, there was no point in asking her if she’d moved on.</p>
<p>Rey patted her pocket and took her phone out. Her eyes widened as the read the first line of a text message.</p>
<p>“Shit,” she muttered.</p>
<p>Her fingers were red from the cold. They shook as she pressed them into her screen. Ben bit back a reminder to wear her gloves. If she hadn’t realised that her autumn jacket wouldn’t ward off the chill, she certainly wasn’t carrying gloves. She pressed the phone against her ear, muffling the drone of an outward call.</p>
<p>“Hi! Hello,” she said in a rush. “I’m so sorry, I’m going to have to cancel tonight.” A pause. “I know, I know, I – yeah, a friend of mine’s been in a car accident.”</p>
<p>Ben raised his eyebrows. Rey shot him a dark look and angled her head away.</p>
<p>“I’m on my way to the hospital now but I definitely want to reschedule. Will you be alright until then?” She bit her lip as she waited for an answer. A nervous habit that she’d never managed to let go of. “Okay. Brilliant. I’ll text you another time to meet up. If you absolutely can’t wait, you can text my co-worker, Finn, about it. You have his number, right?”</p>
<p>Ben rolled his eyes. Finn, Rey’s best friend, had never made it into Ben’s good books. Or vice versa.</p>
<p>“Great,” Rey said. There was a warmth in her tone that had been absent the entire time she’d spoken to Ben this evening. “Alright. Have a good night. Bye.”</p>
<p>She pocketed the phone. Ben’s gaze lingered on her jacket and her exposed hands.</p>
<p>“Have you got your friends vetting your dates now?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Rey said, without missing a beat. “We agreed it was for the best after my relationship with you.”</p>
<p>Ben sulked in silence. He’d walked right into that one. Worse, he was still no closer to understanding who it was Rey had been supposed to meet, and why.</p>
<p>They reached the station not long after. As they descended the stairs, Ben automatically reached for his Oyster card. His pockets were empty, not that it mattered. Sort-of-ghosts rode public transport for free. Even so, he walked through the closed gate with the unshakeable feeling that he was doing something wrong.</p>
<p>He stopped in front of the escalator and let a steady throng of commuters stride through him. They all gave an absentminded shiver as they sank from view. Ben eyed the escalator with apprehension. What if his foot went straight through the metal and he just kept falling? It wasn’t a rational fear – he’d walked the pavements to get to the station, and then used the steps to reach the ticket gates – but none of those places had involved sharp metal razors.</p>
<p>“Still afraid of escalators?” Rey asked. She’d taken her phone out again and pretended to speak into it.</p>
<p>“I’m not afraid of escalators,” Ben snapped. “I used to have a slight issue with heights, but that’s over with. I’m just thinking about the physics of my new incorporeal form, and how it –”</p>
<p>“God, you get so <em>wordy</em> when you’re embarrassed,” Rey muttered. “Just get on it.”</p>
<p>She stepped forwards and moved down far more quickly than Ben was comfortable with. Swearing under his breath, he followed her. He reached to grip the rail, only for his hand to fall back to his side. Sick to his stomach, he closed his eyes and focused on the solid feel of the step beneath him. Knowing that his nausea and his fear were only in his mind didn’t help much. He still fucking hated escalators.</p>
<p>At the bottom, Rey barely waited for him to catch up before she sped off through the crowds again. Ben gritted his teeth and followed her. They stood in tense silence along the platform.</p>
<p>When the Tube arrived with its signature roar and rush of air, passengers streamed from its doors the moment they opened. Ben kept his eyes on Rey as she pushed through the many-elbowed crowd. Every Brit’s queuing instincts fled the moment it came to trying to find a seat on the Tube.</p>
<p>Rey settled for standing beside a pole. Ben, a head taller than her and most everyone else in the carriage, hovered next to her. When the train jerked to life, the standing passengers swayed as one. Ben reached out a hand to steady Rey. The move was automatic, left over from the bustling morning commute they used to take together. His hand glided through her skin, causing an almost imperceptible shiver. Ben pretended that it was from the memory of his touch, rather than the chill.</p>
<p>Rey didn’t look at him, although her cheeks shaded pink. Ben pretended that was from the memory of his touch, too.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Come say hello on <a href="https://twitter.com/starry_clusters">twitter!</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for your lovely comments/kudos/bookmarks! I haven't replied to comments yet but please know that they warm the cockles of my heart (what's a cockle and why is it in my heart?). Hope you enjoy this chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey strode through the doors of the hospital without taking her eyes from the reception. In her periphery, she saw Ben keeping pace with her. She couldn’t look at him. If he wasn’t real, she’d have to check herself into the psychiatric ward. And if he <em>was</em>…</p>
<p>That would raise a whole new set of questions.</p>
<p>Rey wouldn’t falter. She’d just have to take everything one step at a time. Going into a hospital and inquiring after a potential patient was far less intimidating than trying to figure out what to do with her half-dead ex-boyfriend.</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh, God.</em>
</p>
<p>She didn’t want to think about Ben right now. That was a common wish, thought at least once a day since he left her, but the prayer had never felt so urgent.</p>
<p>Seeing Ben again had made her heart lurch and then pound, as violently as if it was trying to break its way out of her chest and back to him. With a single step towards her, he’d brought back all the pain and anger she had worked so hard to get through. She needed to scream the hurt out – or, no. Her therapist had given her better tools to deal with her feelings. She wasn’t sure writing a letter to Ben was what the situation called for, though.</p>
<p>Rey reached the reception with a frantic expression. It wasn’t a reach, given how close to the surface her mess of feelings was. The woman at the desk looked up from her computer.</p>
<p>“Hi, my partner was in a car accident and now he’s in a coma. He –”</p>
<p>“What’s his name?” the woman cut across, fingers already poised over the keyboard.</p>
<p>“Ben Solo.”</p>
<p>Rey had been prepared to give details of her relationship with Ben – even show some of the photos on her phone she had hidden away in a folder, unable to bring herself to delete them – but the receptionist shook her head in a stiff motion. Her fingers rested flat against the keys.</p>
<p>“I’m not at liberty to say,” she said.</p>
<p>She turned back to her computer. She glanced at Rey and then quickly away.</p>
<p>“Oh.” Rey blinked. “Alright.” She fumbled for something to say. She hadn’t expected to be shot down so quickly. “Is that usual? I mean, are you not allowed to tell anyone about which patients are in your hospital?”</p>
<p>“We have strict laws on patient confidentiality,” the receptionist said sternly. “If you can’t respect them, I’m afraid you’ll have to leave.”</p>
<p>Age-old panic caught in Rey’s chest.</p>
<p>
  <em>Keep your head down. Don’t cause trouble. Don’t ask for more, expect even less, be grateful for whatever it is they give you.</em>
</p>
<p>Rey took a deep breath to centre herself. She wasn’t a child anymore. She had the power to ask for the things she wanted, and sometimes asking meant getting rejected. It was a natural consequence, and had no bearing on her.</p>
<p>Or something. Her therapist had been a lot more eloquent.</p>
<p>“Right,” Rey said, her voice just strong enough to rise over the hospital’s background hum. “Thanks anyway.”</p>
<p>Ben stayed closely by her side as she walked away.  She didn’t look at him, embarrassed by her failure. Should she have gone with the way these things played out on glossy TV dramas? Maybe she should have thrown open the waiting room doors and ran in slow motion to the front desk, accompanied by a stripped-back indie cover of a popular 80s song. She could have wailed out <em>Where is he?</em> with such obvious, award-baiting pain that the receptionist would have no choice but to tell her everything she knew.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, her life’s production values weren’t up to scratch.</p>
<p>Rey let the brisk night air knock some sense back into her. She hadn’t had confirmation that Ben was in a coma, or that she wasn’t hallucinating him by her side, but the situation was strange to her. Did patient confidentiality really cover not even being allowed to say if someone was in the building?</p>
<p>Ben seemed to know where her thoughts lay.</p>
<p>“I think Snoke might have instructed that no one reveal where I am,” he said quietly.</p>
<p>Revulsion flooded Rey at the mention of Ben’s boss.</p>
<p>“Why would he do that?” she asked, scowling. “How would Snoke even know about your accident?”</p>
<p>“The same reason I was in the car in the first place, probably.” Ben kept his eyes ahead, away from hers. “We’ve been entertaining some new clients this week. Foreign investors. They have an obscene amount of money and they’re willing to buy big and fast, so Snoke was pulling out all the stops.”</p>
<p>Rey knew better than to ask where that money had come from. He was a favourite among billionaires who had to stash their wealth quickly.</p>
<p>And Ben had left everything behind to go and work for him.</p>
<p>“They sound like stand-up blokes,” she said acidly.</p>
<p>Ben sighed as though he hadn’t heard her. “They… Shit, they might have been in the car with me when it crashed.”</p>
<p>“Ah. Let’s hope they didn’t hire your firm for its driving skills.”</p>
<p>Ben skewered her with a glare. Something incomprehensible shifted beneath his expression, like he couldn’t match the Rey he remembered with the Rey standing in front of him. Rey lifted her chin in challenge. She <em>wasn’t</em> the Rey he remembered, the one he had left, and she was all too ready to let him know. Instead of taking her up on her challenge, Ben just shook his head and looked away.</p>
<p>“Enough of the jokes, Rey,” he muttered. “People might be dead.”</p>
<p>Rey held her tongue, but only because she knew that whatever came out of her mouth wouldn’t be an apology. She’d been around Ben for less than an hour, and already she was sinking into that part of herself that wanted to be cold and callous. She was losing herself and becoming that small child, left behind and unwanted, who lashed out at the world for failing her so badly.</p>
<p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p>
<p>Unseen by the rest of the world, Rey clenched her fists inside her pockets. She had worked hard to move past that. She had learned to soothe that hurt little girl, rather than feed into her rage. The current situation was challenging – to say the fucking least – but Rey had to remember her humanity. She shouldn’t take pleasure in the suffering of bad people. Or if she did, she should at least do it quietly.</p>
<p>“I think we went the long way round, before,” she told Ben, as though they hadn’t just cut short an argument. “Let’s cut through the car park instead.”</p>
<p>Then, because they <em>had</em> just cut short an argument, she strode forward without waiting for his input.</p>
<p>“We’ll go back to my flat,” she continued. “I’ll ring around some other hospitals. I’ll try the one closest to your new place, wherever –”</p>
<p>“Rey Johnson?”</p>
<p>The voice, cold and clear, stopped Rey dead. It was the voice of An Adult, who knew everyone’s wrongdoings and was ready to sternly go through them one by one. When she turned, Rey was surprised to see a stunning woman only a decade or so older than herself. She smiled the cool-eyed smile of someone unused to kindness.</p>
<p>“Shit,” Ben muttered.</p>
<p>Rey, already unsettled, clutched her bag closer to her side. Ben wasn’t one to ruffle easily.</p>
<p>“Can I help you?” she asked the woman.</p>
<p>The woman stepped closer. Under the muted glow of a streetlight, Rey took her in. She dressed in a suit that had to have been tailored for how well it fit. The material either repelled stains and dust, or was freshly laundered. Despite it being the end of the day, the woman’s makeup was pristine and not a hair was out of place in her tightly-coiled bun.</p>
<p>Even before the woman smirked, Rey knew she hadn’t made a similar impression. Every inch of grime that missed women like The Adult seemed to always find its way towards Rey, if not on her clothes then beneath her fingernails or on the scuffed tips of her boots. Rey’s sense of inadequacy, always too close to the surface, flared.</p>
<p>“I heard you were looking for Ben Solo.” The woman’s voice held the crisp accent of money and a flawless education. Her eyes narrowed. “Don’t. He’s not your concern.”</p>
<p>A stab of possessiveness drowned out Rey’s discomfort. Who was this woman to tell her she shouldn’t care about Ben? She wasn’t about to explain her history with Ben, let alone the coma-ghost-thing that currently stood on high alert at her side, but gone were the days of Adults scolding her for things that were within her rights to do.</p>
<p>“I’m his –”</p>
<p>“I know who you are, Miss. Johnson,” the woman interrupted, looking bored. “We all do. The pretty little do-gooder from Organa’s charity. The reason it took so long to get Solo on our side.”</p>
<p>Rey froze. The woman worked for Snoke.</p>
<p>“But he chose to come with us,” the woman said, as though explaining something very simple to someone very small, “and in doing so turned his back on <em>you</em>.”</p>
<p>Rey was being baited. She knew that. She also knew that her heart was pounding, her blood was hot, there was a tension behind her eyes, and her hands were curling into fists.</p>
<p>“He can tell me all that when he wakes up,” she said through gritted teeth.</p>
<p>The woman laughed with a high peal, as cold as ice and even less comforting.</p>
<p>“Solo associates with a higher calibre of people now,” she said, as though Rey had told the world’s best joke.</p>
<p>Rey bit the inside of her cheek to distract herself from her fury. The other woman was probably a moment away from pretending to wipe tears of mirth from her eyes, and when that happened, Rey would break. She tilted her head and sized up her would-be opponent. The woman was tall, there was no doubt about that, but given her accent and expensive clothes, she had likely fought every battle with money and cutting words. She’d probably never dreamed that someone could simply decide to deck her.</p>
<p>Rey could be that someone.</p>
<p>Rey <em>wanted</em> to be that someone.</p>
<p>Instead, drawing on every ounce of calm she’d ever felt, she gave the woman a banal smile.</p>
<p>“You know, I could knock your teeth out in six different directions,” she mused. “Scatter them all over this car park.”</p>
<p>She’d never been one for calmness.</p>
<p>“Rey,” Ben growled in warning. “That’s enough.”</p>
<p>Rey ignored him and smiled at the woman’s paling face.</p>
<p>“Just something to keep in mind the next time you decide to talk to me like that. Thanks for calling me pretty.”</p>
<p>Rey had never overthought the simple motion of walking away as much as she did in the next few moments. Falling flat on her face would fit the mood of the day, but she was determined to seem confident until the woman had lost sight of her.</p>
<p>Ben was silent beside her but she knew that wouldn’t last long. He was probably just trying to get his thoughts together, and in a few moments, he’d let her know exactly what he thought she’d done wrong. Rey dug her phone out of her pocket and put it to her ear, expecting that she and Ben would be having a <em>discussion</em>.</p>
<p>Sure enough, Ben sent her a glare the moment they reached the main road.</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t have said that to Bazine,” he said, each word clipped.</p>
<p>Rey recognised that tone. He was angry in the way that only shouting or sex would fix.</p>
<p>“What?” she asked innocently. “It was just an observation.”</p>
<p>“She isn’t someone you want as an enemy.” Every inch of Ben’s expression tightened. “No one in Snoke’s firm is.”</p>
<p><em>Including you?</em> Rey almost shot back.</p>
<p>There wasn’t an answer to that question that wouldn’t hurt her, and she’d tried to stop searching out things that she knew could only bring her pain. She let her resentment twist itself into ugly words.</p>
<p>“Funny the kinds of friends you make when you deal exclusively in blood money and organised crime.” At Ben’s dark look, she shrugged. “Just another observation.”</p>
<p>“You’ll observe yourself at the wrong end of a lawsuit if you’re not careful.”</p>
<p>Rey wasn’t concerned about that. The worst thing Snoke’s firm could have done was take Ben away from her, and she’d survived that.</p>
<p>“Is it normal for a hospital to be that cagey about its patients? Why won’t they let me see you? That’s shady, isn’t it?” All of the nervous energy that had built since she first saw Ben spilled from her in question after question. “Do you think they had something to do with your car crash? What if it <em>wasn’t</em> a car crash, and now Snoke is trying to cover up the real reason you’re in the hospital?”</p>
<p>Ben shook his head, taking her eagerness in stride. “The woman I met in this weird limbo space just before I saw you told me it had been a car accident.”</p>
<p><em>There</em> was a sentence that took some unscrambling. Rey pulled a face.</p>
<p>“And you trust her?”</p>
<p>Ben shrugged. “I think she was God.”</p>
<p>“This isn’t the time to find religion, Ben.”</p>
<p>“I trusted her,” Ben said firmly. He looked straight ahead, avoiding her gaze. “Besides, Snoke encourages me to have no contact with my old life. I wouldn’t be surprised if the hospital staff have been alerted not to let anyone other than himself and a few trusted colleagues into my room.”</p>
<p><em>Right, </em>Rey thought, deflating.<em> Obviously.</em></p>
<p>She felt stupid. She’d dived headfirst into conspiracy theories to try and avoid the truth, just like she had after Ben left.</p>
<p>
  <em>Ben wasn’t gone, he’d just gone undercover at Snoke’s firm to bring to light the man’s many, many crimes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ben wasn’t gone, he’d just been blackmailed into working for the enemy.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ben wasn’t gone, he’d just had a temporary/curable brain tumour that altered his personality.</em>
</p>
<p>Rey blamed a late-night TV binge of medical conditions for that last idea. The months had passed and Ben hadn’t returned home, and Rey was grateful she’d never shared any of her thoughts. Ben left because Ben wanted to leave. No amount of blaming aliens or the occult would change that.</p>
<p>“Colleagues,” Rey noted after a too-long pause. “Not ‘friends’.”</p>
<p>She’d meant to sound light and airy, but there was an undercurrent of accusation in her tone that Ben bristled at.</p>
<p>“Some of us take our jobs seriously,” he said. “There’s not a lot of room for theme days at Snoke’s firm.”</p>
<p>“Is that why you left?” Scorn dripped from her tone. “Couldn’t stand another Silly Hat Day?”</p>
<p>“You know why I left, Rey.”</p>
<p>His voice, little more than a murmur, hit Rey as though he’d screamed. She swallowed her reply. For all her needling, she didn’t actually want to talk about this on a random street. She didn’t actually want to talk about this at all.</p>
<p>“How did that woman – Bazine – know my name?” she asked instead.</p>
<p>The moment Ben looked away, Rey knew that she wasn’t going to like the answer. If Ben’s hair hadn’t been covering his ears, she would have checked for the flush that always spread there whenever he was lying to her.</p>
<p>“Ben,” she prompted, uneasy.</p>
<p>Ben held his stubborn silence. Rey waited for the tic in his jaw and the slump of his shoulders – inevitable signs that he was giving into her. It took a moment, but his body shifted with the air of irritated defeat.</p>
<p>“When I first joined Snoke’s firm, Snoke asked for an overview of Organa’s charity. Nothing damaging.” He paused. His eyes flickered to hers. “Nothing damaging to you.”</p>
<p>Rey’s skin crawled. Snoke could know nothing but her name, and that knowledge would still be too personal. What had Ben told him? There had been so many little moments he’d witnessed that Rey had never thought she’d needed to protect.</p>
<p>So many people.</p>
<p>Finn sometimes made mistakes with his files, but he was earnest and hardworking.</p>
<p>Poe could seem like a bit much, but he always arranged after-work drinks and made sure that every single person in the office was invited.</p>
<p>And Leia… She and Ben had a complicated relationship, but her skills as a mother had nothing to do with the fact that she was the greatest woman Rey had ever met.</p>
<p>How much of their privacy had Ben sacrificed to look good in front of his new boss?</p>
<p>Rey swallowed her disgust. There was one question left to ask, and Ben wouldn’t answer if she screamed it at him. He might not answer anyway, not truthfully, but Rey had to try. She aimed for a casual tone.</p>
<p>“Bazine said I was the reason it took so long to get you on their side.”</p>
<p>Somewhere along the way, the question had morphed into a statement. Maybe that was why Ben didn’t answer straight away. His words, when they came, were carefully measured.</p>
<p>“She meant that you were the final person I allowed to hold me back.”</p>
<p>Rey felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. She lowered her phone from her ear and back into her pocket. Her eyes stung with what she pretended was the cold.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Come say hello on <a href="https://twitter.com/starry_clusters">twitter!</a></p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Come say hello on <a href="https://twitter.com/starry_clusters">twitter!</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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